What is post-partum counselling support?

This week I have launched a new 6-session discounted package of counselling sessions for new mums. In this blog post I’m going to talk about why and how I work with women in this phase of their lives.

When people talk about the post-partum period they are generally referring to the 6-8 weeks after giving birth. I would imagine that this is the generally (medically) accepted time it takes for some of the physical healing to take place after a normal delivery. However, this time period doesn’t take account of the physical healing that might be needed when a birth has been more traumatic, where there have been medical interventions or where baby has been born via c-section. But also, crucially, this doesn’t take account of the mental, emotional and spiritual processes that all women go through after giving birth and which can continue for many months, if not years, after birth.

In my experience these processes are largely ignored and at a time when – rightly – people are focussing on the new baby – mums get completely forgotten. Often mums are also, frankly, neglected by systems that fail to recognise the ongoing transformation and adjustments they have to make in order to be able to give the love and care they need to their new baby.

In the run up to the birth, generally speaking, people put quite a bit of time and effort and money into preparing for the birth of their baby. They might join an NCT class, do hypnobirthing preparations, attend antenatal classes, go to pregnancy yoga classes. They might decorate in anticipation of their baby’s arrival. They will certainly spend quite a bit of money on the practical and necessary bits of physical kit. But often women are not prepared for what it actually feels like to be responsible for this new human being. And it’s overwhelming.

Mums are doing this while their body has to heal, often with no chance to rest. Thankfully, people do sometimes talk about the lack of meaningful support for mums in this period. There are conversations going on around it taking a village to raise a baby and there is some recognition that communities used to be far better at enveloping mum and baby in support. However, we are more and more isolated from community and often end up feeling completely alone. We may not have a partner. Or, we have a partner who has to return to work. We may not have extended family at all or they may not be close by or may be unable to, or are unwilling to, offer the kind of support you actually need. Being able to breastfeed often depends on people doing everything else around you. That is what meaningful breastfeeding support can look like. There is often no talk about the mental health support that new mums might need. Bar a couple of Health Visitor checks, there is often no-one around that steps in and sees mum and asks her how she is really coping.

If you’re lucky, the birth is one day of your life, but what is there – by way of support – for the mental adjustments that are needed to be made while you begin to accept your new reality? You’ve got all of the rest of your days to be an actual mum to another human being but that initial adjustment can be utterly bewildering.

With new mums susceptible to post-natal depression it’s vital that more support is available to mums during this mentally very precarious period of their lives.

Thankfully there is more talk now – compared with even 10 years ago – about the prevalence of post-natal OCD. Many, many women experience intrusive thoughts around harm coming to their baby and sometimes they think they will be the perpetrator of that harm. Accompanied by the thoughts themselves is an intense fear that speaking openly about these thoughts might mean your baby is taken away from you. Being unable to speak about this can make things far worse than if there is a safe space for you to tell someone about your inner world.

Your six sessions could include the following:-

Time spent making sense of your birth story.

Having someone to talk to about your experience of giving birth can help with feelings that might have come up if things didn’t go as you planned. Sometimes your voice can simply feel forgotten when everyone is so excited to meet and get to know your new baby. The weight of your birth story might feel really heavy and it can help to talk it through.

Exploring your changing feelings towards your own identity. 

I have posted before about matrescence and this very real experience of how becoming a mum has forever changed who you are. There can be so many conflicting feelings around this including a sense of grief/loss over who you were before your baby arrived.

Relationship changes

If you are parenting with a partner/spouse, you may want to use the sessions to explore the dynamic shift in your relationship.

Exploring other relational dynamics that have shifted or changed since your baby has arrived including your expectations of people in your wider family and how this period can shine a light on differences in attitude towards parenting and children.

Please note that the 6-week package doesn’t mean you are limited to this number of sessions. Often 6 sessions is not enough and if you are wanting to continue working with me for longer and for wider issues as well we can discuss this.

In addition, as I have talked about above, my feeling is that the post-partum period extends way beyond the traditional 6-8 week period, which is why I am making my discounted offering available to all mums who have had a baby in the last two years.

For those of you who have real struggles around childcare – meaning finding space in your schedule for 1 hour a week even – is challenging, please do still reach out. I can be flexible with where we meet – for instance, a walk-and-talk session during nap time or in your home with baby if that makes things easier and you are local.

If you are reading this and you are further along in your mothering journey but there are things relating to motherhood that you think you would benefit from counselling for, please do also reach out as I may be able to make the discounted package available to you too.